Powerlessness & Unmanageability in Daily Life

Step One asks us to admit: “We were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.” But Step One is more than just an admission about the past. It’s also a compass we can use to navigate everyday life in recovery. How do we recognize when we’re trying to control the uncontrollable? And how do we begin to let go?

Spotting the Signs of Self-Will

Even after we stop drinking or using, our instinct to control often remains. It can show up in subtle—and not-so-subtle—ways:

• Feeling frustrated when things don’t go as planned
• Trying to manage other people’s feelings or behaviors
• Obsessing over outcomes, replaying conversations
• Feeling anxious, angry, or overwhelmed when life feels uncertain
• Forgetting to pause or pray before reacting

These moments are clues. They often mean we’re slipping into self-will, trying to play director in a world we cannot control. According to the Big Book, that’s the root of our trouble: “Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show.” (p. 60)

Practical Tip: How to Surrender

The first step in surrender is awareness. The second is willingness. Here are a few tools to help shift from control to letting go:

• Pause and Breathe: When emotions run high, stop. Take a few deep breaths. Ask, “What am I trying to control here?”
• Use Step One Affirmations:
  • “I am powerless over people, places, and things.”
  • “I don’t have to fix or control this.”
  • “Help me to accept life on life’s terms.”
• Check in with Others: Share what’s going on with a sponsor or recovery friend. Sometimes speaking it out loud is what helps you let go.
• Daily Writing: Keep a small Step One journal. Each day, jot down one example of something you released control over—or wish you had.

Reflections on Unmanageability

Unmanageability doesn’t always look dramatic. It can look like anxiety, overcommitment, isolation, or people-pleasing. Often, it’s a subtle sense of disconnection—from ourselves, others, or our Higher Power.

Step One brings us back to center. It reminds us that our healing begins when we stop trying to manage everything ourselves. We don’t need to be in charge—we need to be willing to surrender.

Keep Step One Alive

Just because Step One is first doesn’t mean we stop using it. In fact, many in recovery find that Step One is something they return to daily. Each morning, you might ask:

• “Where am I trying to control things today?”
• “What do I need to turn over to my Higher Power?”

There is great peace in saying, “I can’t do this alone.” Step One opens the door to that peace—by reminding us that we were never meant to carry it all ourselves.